Oversexed and Under Aged:
In a previous blog, I had mentioned what peer pressure encouraged me to do. Among these things was engaging in sex. For some, this topic may be a little touchy or even embarrassing, but as I’ve matured I’ve learned to embrace my sexuality and be comfortable with my decisions regarding it. I will be the first person to admit that I’m not perfect, and I’ll tell you that sex is the absolute ONE thing I always eschewed with a firm hand, even when it came to the phase in my life where no wasn’t an answer to my friends. I was willing to do anything to harden my soft exterior, but sex..scared me. I was only thirteen, fourteen. My friends were more than experienced in that field and I felt completely left out and weak because I wasn’t willing to French my boyfriend of one day in front of them. They acted as if I was a scared little child among them, and I and everyone else knew I didn’t belong. It always made me feel terrible, and I often found myself asking ‘why don’t you just suck it up and play the game?’ Even though I would do anything (or at least pretend to do it or lie about it) to build up their confidence in me, this was the one thing I could never bring myself to do. And somehow, the guilt always landed on me and I was left alone with a boyfriend who just stared at me like I was a useless virgin. Some people might find that to be an offensive term, but looking back now I highly appreciate it. Although most of the boys I ‘dated’ dumped me when they found out I wasn’t a child prostitute, I was glad that they did because it meant I didn’t have to say no to them anymore. I may have felt guilty about saying no all the time, but it was the one thing I had that I wouldn’t compromise.
Your parents always tell you to not have sex, it’s bad, but you never realize how right they are. At such a young age, sex can ruin you. My ‘best friend’ from my last blog was the school’s..umm bicycle. And at fourteen! She may have been popular, and my boyfriends always dumped me for her, but she ultimately lost (in more ways than one if you know what I mean, and I do think you do). To this day I can tell you that I have never regretted my decision to be the girl that no one ever got to. My virtue meant the world to me and I wasn’t about to lose that because some loser with a deceivingly cute face wanted it. I knew, even at that age, that boys didn’t want it because it was a ‘special experience that you share with someone you love’, it was something they needed to boast about in the gym locker room. And I am so glad I never gave in.
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I actually wrote about the same thing you did. I also didn’t have sex in high school even though there was a lot of pressure from all the people around me so I totally get everything you said here. Sex just seemed so far from what I wanted to be doing at that age, like you said it was scary- theres no do-over there, once it’s done it’s done. I felt the same way that you did, that you were somehow useless because you were I virgin and how it made you feel guilty to say no. Isn’t the thought of that just horrible? That you should be made to feel guilty about making such a personal decision, a decision that is about your own body and your own feelings. I just think that it’s so sad that there is so much pressure on young people to have sex. I have three younger female cousins who are all in high school and I have shared a lot of these feelings with them in the hopes that they will be about to make the right decisions for them when the time comes to really deal with this. I hope that will learn from me that being a virgin the horrible thing that everyone makes it out to be, whether it is their actual friends or the media. I think it’s great that you were able to stand your ground against your friends. I know how hard that was, but like you, I never regretted it and I’m sure that if you asked a lot of those girls who did give in they’d say that they do have a lot of regrets!
ReplyDeleteI admire your strength in that area. Unfortunately, I lost my virginity and the rip young age of 15 and got pregnant at 17 and graduated high school three months pregnant. Now, I am twenty, in my third year of college, and have a two year old little boy. Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret the decision to have my son (termination just wasn’t an option for me) but if I would have held onto my virtue a little bit longer maybe I would have the chance to be a normal twenty year old and not have to worry about the endless amount of responsibility that comes with having a two year old, or an any year old for that matter! I also had friends that were as you say “bicycles”, and though I lost my virginity at such a young age I am forever thankful that I kept my “choices” to a minimum. To this day I wish that I didn’t have the “numbers” that I have and that when I get married I could still be looked at as “pure” (I know I’m old fashioned!) But like I said earlier, I greatly admire your choice to abstain and not give in to that particular peer pressure, I have one really close friend who did the same and didn’t do the “deed” till she was 19, and after waiting so long she found she was disappointed in herself and should have kept holding out. I hope it’s not the same for you and am glad to hear that you are happy with your choices!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to first say that I really admire you for writing on such a “taboo” topic. It is really sad that most girls these days feel like saying there a virgin is like saying that they have 11 toes, that it makes them some kind of a freak. I hate that society has put this immense pressure on people to be all sexed up. I am glad though that you were one of the few people in high school that were able to say “no.” I personally am 20 years old and still a virgin. Unlike most girls when I tell people that I say it with my head held hide and where it as a badge of honor. I am not saying that sex is the devil or anything, however I am saying that it is not something to go at lightly. I am not a virgin for religious reasons or because I am so repulsive no one would want to be with me, it is simply by choice. I have never been in love with anyone so why would I “make love” to them. Call me old fashioned but I love who I am and I wouldn’t change that aspect of my life for the world.
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